Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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