I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
