There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
