So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
