i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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