Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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