Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
