I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just gargled with NyQuil
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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