Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
