Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize