I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
