tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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