Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
