I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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