R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
