He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
