all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
