is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
