A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
