yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
