ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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