Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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