We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
