I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
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