I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
