Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
