and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
