Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
