just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
