If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize