is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
