Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
