Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
These tits shall not be calmed
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I need to align my fucking chakras
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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