its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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