My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Randomize
