I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
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