No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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