Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
