Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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