I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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