Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
