the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We are two peas in an std pod
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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