woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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