Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
