I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I wear drunk well.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
