2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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