Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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