I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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