Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
