I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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