Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
