so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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