My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
