is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
well I can't set my house on fire every night
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize