Got a toothbrush?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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