You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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