you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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