Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
even my farts smell like vagina
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
