Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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