Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
