idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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