God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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