Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
