Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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