Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Randomize
