They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Of course I have a pirate flag
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
