i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
