There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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