ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
