FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
