puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
