I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
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