Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
